On April 10, 2018, Colin Brougham didn't text his wife the usual message that he was going to ride his bike home. Instead, he was struck and killed by a commuter train a few blocks away.
“I knew he was dead before I knew he was dead,” his widow Rachel Brougham recalled. “My son and I went to the scene and when we were told it was him, he screamed so loud I think all of Minneapolis heard it.”
Mr. Brougham was only 39 years old.
“My life changed in an instant,” said Brougham, now 46. “The future you envisioned was taken away from you. Grief changes your brain chemistry. It changes the way you think, the way you interact with others, the way you work. It literally changes everything in your life. ”
Those who become widowed in their 20s or 30s, few of whom may even have a will, may feel even more dazed and unprepared. Who could have expected to die so young?
Like others who lose a spouse suddenly, Brougham is suddenly faced with a variety of complex financial issues, including how to handle mortgage payments, car and student loans, leases, and credit card debt. I was forced to make a decision. Blinded by grief, exhausted and overwhelmed, families must also plan and pay for cremation and funeral costs.
According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the median social security death benefit is only $255, but the median funeral cost in the U.S. in 2021 was $6,971 (including cremation) or $7,848 (including viewing and burial). Social Security survivor benefits are also available to children. Mr. Brougham's 15-year-old son, Thomas, receives $2,149 a month until he turns 18 or graduates from high school.
Brian K. Seymour II, founder and CEO of Prosperage Wealth in Atlanta, said, “As a certified financial planner and someone who specializes in supporting young widows and widowers, I am very excited about this unique project. “I have seen firsthand the raw emotional pain of our community.” “When you lose your partner at a young age, whether through illness or a sudden accident, you are thrown into a storm of grief and financial turmoil.”
Even if it feels overwhelming, Seymour recommends taking control of your finances right away.
“Gather and organize all your financial documents, including bank statements, investment accounts, life insurance policies, and wills,” he said. “When in doubt, seek professional help from a fee-based fiduciary financial advisor who specializes in young widows and widowers. You can create a plan that takes your welfare and goals into consideration.”
Even people who have time to prepare, such as the death of a spouse from a terminal illness, may have to make difficult decisions in a time of emotional distress.
Sarah Seib, 39, had a steady job at a local technology company when her husband Jason Markle died in 2022 from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also known as ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease. She said Ms. Markle had worked for many years as a faculty administrator at Syracuse University, but because of her illness, Ms. Seib soon became her full-time caregiver and was unable to support her income while racking up $50,000 in student loans. has ceased.
As her husband's health deteriorated, the couple desperately needed his income and health insurance, so he continued to work until the end. He communicated by blinking his eyes through his Tobii Dynavox tablet. In a GoFundMe campaign, he has provided $20,000 to help with rising costs.
Mr. Markle had a 401(k) plan, but if he took advantage of it early, he would have to pay penalties and taxes. The day he died, Seib lost health insurance. Her mother, who moved to help Seib financially and emotionally as her husband's health deteriorated, still lives with them in Syracuse, New York, and is responsible for half of her mortgage. are paying.
“We need help from all sides,” Seib said. “The Widow’s Head is not right and won’t be right for a long time.”
Francisco Rosado (aka Frank Rose), a barber and DJ in Orlando, Florida, lost his wife Rebecca Rosado at the age of 34, and she was also 33. He had been caring for her for three years as she was battling Hodgkin's lymphoma. , a type of blood cancer. Rosado built a thriving wedding planning business and continued to work as much as possible, but the couple sold their home to cut costs and pay for medical expenses. Also receiving his $10,000 from a GoFundMe campaign, Mr. Rosado was able to quit work and spend time with his wife before she passed away.
For many people whose spouse is from another country, communicating with family members abroad can pose added complications, the need for welcome support, or both. So did Robin Tuyett-Theodorson. Robin Tuyett-Theodorson became a widow in 2008 at the age of 36 after being married for five and a half years. She married Mark Theodoreson, an Englishman.
Her father took over her late husband's car payments, and her family “helped out quite a bit,” she said. Truett Theodorson was grateful that her home in Baltimore was mortgage-free because her mother-in-law in England sent some money. She deferred her student loans for 18 months and consolidated her credit card debt.
Many young widows and widowers also have to face their spouse's debts, which can add up to a huge burden if not discharged by creditors.
Two years after Janet Kontikowski graduated from chiropractic school, her husband Mark passed away and they separated. They were both 36 years old and had two children, ages 5 and 9. He died from a rare disease, sudden and unexplained death due to epilepsy, and owed about $150,000 in student loans.
“To finance that amount, we put together a combination of private loans and federal loans, and he was the only signatory, and they were later combined,” said Mr. Koncikowski, now 45 and living in Eden, New York. Told. Initially, the lender told me that I had to repay the loan even though I hadn't co-signed it. They said I was responsible for the debt because we were married when it occurred. ”
However, when she provided the lender with the separation agreement and her husband's death certificate, the loan was fully refunded. “It was a scary experience, but it was a small relief,” Kontikowski said.
Daniel Kopp, a certified financial planner in Sarasota, Fla., who lost his spouse when he was 31, says it's important to know when you took on debt.
“If it's before the marriage and the couple doesn't live in a community property state (of which there are nine), the surviving spouse typically won't be responsible for student loans,” he said. “Community property states can hold a surviving spouse responsible for paying a private loan if it is taken out after the marriage, even if the spouse did not cosign. It depends on the circumstances.” The classic financial planning answer. ”
“If a student loan borrower dies, their federal student loans can be forgiven by providing documentation such as a death certificate,” Kopp added. “However, when it comes to private student loans, it depends on the presence of a cosigner and the terms of the loan. Some private lenders will also forgive the debt, while others will try to make the surviving spouse pay. .”
Kopp said personal unsecured debt, such as credit cards, is typically written off by the issuing company.
“I had a widow customer who tried to pay off her $5,000 balance, but Chase sent her the check back,” he said. “A car loan is usually attached to the car, so if your spouse receives the car in a will, the loan will pass to your spouse.”
Anyone who has received life insurance proceeds after the death of a spouse knows the mixed emotions it can bring.
“I felt a huge sense of relief and guilt,” Brougham said. “I thought, 'Oh my god, my husband died and now I have a million dollars.'” In fact, she received her $1.575 million from both term and whole life insurance, Invested for her future needs.
Rosado said he received $250,000 in insurance money and Kopp received about $300,000. Thanks to this money, they were freed from financial panic at the worst moments of their young lives. Also, life insurance proceeds are not taxable income.
The Broughams bought life insurance when they were 24 and 25, and Mr. Brougham worked as a freelancer for a small newspaper, even though he felt the annual cost of $1,308 was unaffordable. I was working full time.
Being financially and emotionally prepared means having difficult conversations, even if you feel you are too young to have them. The spouses of Ms. Brougham, Ms. Tuyette-Theodorson, Ms. Seib, and Ms. Konsikowski had no wills or prior estate plans. But Mr. Rosado did.
“I never thought death would come in my 30s,” he says. “Probably in his 70s or 90s.”