They certainly didn't pull any punches.
The live Netflix show, which lasted more than three hours, was filled with jokes at the expense of seven-time Super Bowl champion Tom Brady. Everything was on the table, from his divorce from Gisele Bündchen to Spygate and Deflategate to Brady's relationship with Alex Guerrero.
“Before I got to the New England Patriots, I heard about Spygate. And after I left, I heard about Deflategate,” Randy Moss said. “So, Tom, I just have one question: 'Why didn't we cheat when I was there?!' I wanted to cheat too. Kids always ask me, 'Why didn't we cheat when I was there?!' “Daddy, why is everyone wearing rings but you?” Do you know how difficult it is to look your children in the eye and say, “They don't trust me enough to cheat on me''? ”
Various former teammates and comedians spent several hours gushing over each other, especially Brady.
“A lot of people think I have a lot of animosity toward Tom Brady,” Drew Bledsoe joked. “That's why I'm here tonight, in front of millions of people, to tell them they're right.”
And towards the end of the night, former Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, who is very serious and rarely jokes, was brutally defeated in a 10-minute set.
“That's what people say. Tom and I clashed a lot,” Belichick said jokingly. “And in some ways that was true. But it was difficult to go up against Tom — he was so much better than Alex Guerrero.”
At first, Brady sat in good spirits, trying to laugh off his persistent (and often cruel) jokes, even if there were some uncomfortable moments. Here are some roasting highlights.
Brady's former teammates (and Belichick) jokes
Moss: “Even if I didn't win it all, I got to play with the greatest quarterback of all time, so I got everything I wanted. And for three years, it was a short period of time. We scared the whole National Football League. Tom, you're still my quarterback — even if you don't want me to be your accomplice.”
Bledsoe: “There were rumors that Coach (Bill) Belichick was going to be here tonight. It turns out he has some time on his hands. At least when I got fired, somebody else wanted me.” I was there.”
Belichick: “I'm honored to be a part of the Roast of Tom Brady on Netflix. Not to be confused with the Bill Belichick craze in the 10-part Apple-TV series.”
Julian Edelman: “Alex Guerrero is the snake oil salesman who turned Tom into a complete weirdo.”
Rob Gronkowski said of the similarities between Brady and Belichick: You both live and play soccer. Both of you are no longer married. You're both divorced from the football world, and you both give full credit to the dynasty. ”
even deeper
Howe: It was never Bill Belichick or Tom Brady: Together they led the Pats to glory.
Best one liners by comedians
Comedian Jeff Ross: “Tom was selected No. 199 in the NFL Draft. He sat there for days waiting and waiting until Bill Belichick's dog accidentally stepped on his keyboard. , and was ultimately selected in the sixth round.”
Nikki Glaser: “You have seven rings, but now you have eight because Gisele gave them back.”
some unpleasant moments
It wasn't just laughter. Brady seemed to quickly realize that this was no light-hearted, good-natured teasing. It started with an opening monologue from Kevin Hart, with lots of jokes about Bundchen and her new boyfriend, who has a background in jiu-jitsu.
But the most awkward moment may have come after Ross joked about massages with Robert Kraft. Brady then got up from his seat and appeared to tell Ross, “Don't say that again.”
belichick roast
The best set of the night was probably Glazer's, but Belichick's material was great, from comedians (joking about Hart's inability to say no to opportunities) to Danny Amendola's career highlights (which Randy called “a decent It stung everyone, even those who called it “first”). (“Really, Tom, why are these guys so hard on you? Do you miss me?” Belichick joked), of course.
When Belichick returned to the team, he also started getting attacks from Edelman. Edelman pointed out that Belichick had been saying in team meetings for several years that the Foxboro High School players could have done what the Patriots failed to do.
“(Right now) the only job opening you have is Foxboro High School,” Edelman said. “…Do your job? I'd rather have a job, Coach.”
Bill Belichick tells Rob Gronkowski to quit his job. #TomBradyRoast pic.twitter.com/pbn6tOVEqX
— Netflix (@netflix) May 6, 2024
irony of robert kraft
The feud between Kraft and Belichick was well known, so the Pats' owner figured Belichick would address the issue as soon as he got the microphone while sitting next to Edelman on stage.
“Like many family reunions, there are people here that I would avoid at all costs. Coach Belichick, it's good to see you,” Craft joked.
He then turned to Brady's impending purchase of stock in the Las Vegas Raiders.
“Good luck buying the Raiders, Tom,” he said. “They've already done your thing for you. They got rid of Jimmy Garoppolo.”
Then, in a development that was nearly impossible to predict (and at Hart's urging), Kraft and Belichick took a shot together, with Kraft hailing Belichick as the greatest coach of all time.
Robert Kraft supports Bill Belichick…I never thought this day would come! #TomBradyRoast pic.twitter.com/X5D3nKOpCm
— Netflix (@netflix) May 6, 2024
How did Brady take the roast?
Finally, at the end of a long night of brutal jokes, Brady delivered some of his own, showing off his roast-worthy cockiness.
He said Gronkowski was a great tight end for the Patriots — “even though the bar for a Patriots tight end was pretty low at the time.” He joked that he could have saved the $20 million the NFL spent on Deflategate, saying, “Then I would have said I did it.” And Brady added that he's looking to buy stock in the Raiders because he's “tired of only owning the Colts and Bills.”
Finally, Brady turned to Belichick, the coach with whom he had a turbulent relationship.
“I've been out of the game for a little while, so I'm interested,” Brady said. …When you go to the Indy 500, you don't ask, 'Hey, who put gas in your car?' ”
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(Photo: Michael Tran/AFP via Getty Images)
