Extra long sheets. Shower shoes. Wall hooks and putty to hold things in place without leaving any marks.
Most colleges provide a list of items that freshmen living on campus may need to bring, and most big-box stores stock everything on that list.
But there's another list you might want to consider that includes items that aren't in any of the departments at Target or on anyone's Amazon wishlist.
This includes forms you can create yourself to help manage your adult child's health care, as well as forms that give you the freedom to call you if your child is handcuffed for any reason, and how about some midnight pizza facilitation?
There are always caveats to any list like this: some may be good, but implementing most of them would be overkill.
“If students are too connected to home, they won't be able to bond in their new place,” says Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise Adults. “It can inadvertently send the message, 'If I don't do this for you, then you're not going to be capable there,' and we never want to send that message.”
The list below should give you some good ideas, all of which will only cost around $50, and many are free, which is a relief considering how staggering the cost of tuition can be.
If you have any other suggestions, let us know. We'll use reader feedback to create another list next summer, and if we get enough new suggestions quickly, we'll create one this month too.
Forms and paths
Healthcare Power of Attorney
Shari George Pohler, an elder-care and disability attorney in Louisville, Kentucky, gave two of her daughter's friends a novelty high-school graduation gift that she hoped they would never have to use: a health care power of attorney.
An individual gains the right to make their own health care decisions and the right to privacy protections under the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act upon turning 18. A health care power of attorney gives a parent or guardian the authority to make health care decisions and also gives them access to a child's medical records if they become incapacitated.
“You can give as many powers as you need,” Pollu says, and she also suggests getting a general durable power of attorney for legal and financial matters, which would allow your parents to handle those issues as well, if necessary.
Consent of Students Under 18
Privacy laws may prevent parents from knowing much about their college-aged children's illnesses, but students who enroll in college before turning 18 may be denied some medical care altogether without their parents' explicit permission.
For example, the University of Central Florida requires such students to fill out a consent form if they want to receive counseling. Karen R. Hoffman, director of counseling and psychological services at the school, suggests discussing it rather than just signing it. If teens have never seen a therapist before, parental encouragement can help make them less hesitant or embarrassed about seeking counseling.
AT&T Cards — and Stay-Out-of-Jail Cards
If you went to college in the days of pay phones, you remember the cards you could use to pay for phone calls. For a visual joke, buy one on eBay, or print one out and stick it in a cheesy picture frame, and hand it to people with instructions to call you first if any major problems arise.
For example, they could be arrested for false ID, disturbing the peace, protesting, trespassing, etc. But if your child is more afraid of you than the authorities, those calls may never come.
Try this script: “You're smart enough to stay out of trouble, but if you make a mistake or get into some unfortunate situation, call me first and I'll help you sort it out.” A solution, which might include an advance on bail or fine funds. In fact, it can be your business card to stay out of jail.
If your child becomes pregnant or may impregnate someone else, remember that not all medical options are available in all states and areas. Would you like to be called first about that too? Say so. In that case, your second call may be to the school. The school may have an emergency fund to cover travel expenses.
Money and Health
Authorized User (even emergency) card
Parents may remember how easy it used to be for college students to get a credit card.
Those days are over due to changes in federal law: Now, you generally must be 21 or older to apply for one yourself.
Instead, consider what's called an authorized user card: it has your child's name on it, but charges accrue to one account — yours.
Worried? You can use this card as a means to be used only in emergencies. Regardless of how you use it, this card will help your child establish a credit history and a decent credit score. But only if they pay their bills on time and maintain other good habits. Your good behavior will accumulate as an authorized user.
Medical History and Shared Documents
There will come a time when you will receive a call or an email from a sick or injured person, but it may be at an inopportune moment for you.
“They'll be sitting there, it'll be 1 a.m., and they'll need stitches,” said Lisa Heffernan, co-founder of Grown & Flown, a community and website for parents of young people.
You may miss a call and be left wondering: “By the way, when was the last time you had a tetanus shot?”
One solution is to create a digital document folder where you can store things like immunization and prescription records, pediatric medical history that might be useful, etc. You can also add photos of things that might be useful or that you might lose, like your driver's license, health insurance card, key pages from your passport, etc.
Everything else
Your own traces
Eleven years ago, Chanel Reynolds spoke to Ron about the painful lessons about financial preparation she learned after the untimely death of her husband, and one of her recommendations was to leave your own mark: Spending years preserving your children's artwork doesn't create a legacy of your own life that your children can treasure later in life.
A few years ago, when her son left for college, Reynolds slipped a few handwritten cards into various items they packed, knowing he would find them in the days or weeks to come. When he found them, he would send her a text message.
Then came the phone call that warmed her heart: “He called and said he'd read over one of my cards,” she says. “I asked him which one, and he said it was the one where I said I was proud of him, I trusted him, and I had complete confidence that he could work things out, even when times were tough.”
The nice thing about leaving multiple notes is that you have multiple opportunities to create something worth rereading. Do you have a family member's favorite Bible verse or other sacred piece? Use it here. Do you have a legendary saying from your grandparents? Slip it into a stocking.
playlist
Give them one last hug, don't look back and shed a tear as you leave the airport, bus stop, or dorm, and send them a playlist of meaningful songs.
Maybe you sang songs together when your child was in kindergarten. Maybe you were lucky enough to play music together. If you've taken your child to their first concert, or their first ten concerts, there's bound to be highlights worth putting on the setlist of that concert. When you feel that, you'll know how blessed and lucky you are.
This may be a touchy subject for some who feel their musical tastes may be offensive to children, but include those songs anyway and mix in some meaningful songs. They are Introduced youChances are, they don't even know how much you love their songs (until they receive the playlist).
The first pizza
For many families, food is love, but it can't be easily provided when far apart. Food is also community, and when shared with the right strangers, it can help build new community.
For this reason, the founders of Grown & Flown encourage kids to serve pizza for their first few late-night meals, but only if they use it to recruit a few new people into their fold.
Pro tip: Many college dorms and common spaces have doors that close automatically, and Mary Dell Harrington, another founder of Grown & Flown, suggests adding a rubber door stopper to your offering so the aroma of pepperoni wafts down the hallway, attracting other hungry people.
Safe words
Many parents give their teens a lot of unsolicited advice, and your child might be tired of it. Maybe you know it's a problem, but you can't do anything about it.
“That kind of advice may not help people develop the skills to solve the problems they see and encounter,” said Frances Cloud, director of the counseling center at Spelman College.
If this is you, Cloud recommends acknowledging this with your child and teaching them a safe word they can say any time they want to talk to you but can't stand any judgment, feedback or direction.
Cloud doesn't have a favorite phrase: “It's not so much the words themselves, it's what happens after you say them,” she says.
A present for you too
Lythcott-Haimes, nicknamed “Dean Julie” by the thousands of Stanford students who benefited from her work between 1998 and 2012, is a bit wary of the whole list-making exercise and how kids might feel if they take it too far. “Get a therapist, get a hobby,” she says. “Don't dump your grief on your kids as they begin a new phase of their lives.”
I heard that. But still.
If for some reason or another, or even if they don't call at all, you still want them to call, and with a safety word, your child may feel more comfortable calling, so it's okay to gently ask to hear from them periodically after all the attention, packing, tuition, and of course, Target.
After all, you may be giving your child the gift of continued use of the family phone plan.